hello.
past few days i really felt the real LOST. i seriously miss her to the max. i lost all my loved ones in just a blink of an eye.how worse can it get? that is super bad already. i missed the laughter in happiness we shared and the tears in sadness too.we used to argue for small matters but yet we solve it with matured mindset. i hope you never forget the times we gossip about the person we hated so much,the person who make our life miserable. yesterday i dream about me and her. we are happily talking to each other like we usually do.suddenly there's a big rock falls between us. we are seperated far apart,straight away i woke up and look her photo in my hp. i really do not want to this to happen in reality. i want to keep it going in good terms. i cant imagine if i do really lose her. oh god please make us in good terms again,which there is no confusion and misunderstanding. i can wish that everything will be back to normal bt i noe it will not happen.

love,
faziraafauzi 6:58 PM

hello.
err. everyone is schooling now and im just furiously getting over this boredom at home. MC for 2 days was given. i seriously miss alot of wonderful lessons. gosh. How am i going to follow up my POA lesson?? i missed all 6 periods of it this week. and yar the medicines are just not working desperately enough in me.
for you boy, i'll count the days until i'm in your arms again. i miss you so much, your voice,your touch,but most of all, i miss how i felt when you hugged me, your arms wrapped around my waist,my arms wrapped around your neck.our eyes staring back at each other a sign of true love. after that we loved each other for months & break each other hearts with a tragic goodbye in silence. now i just cant do anything. if i could do anything it would be to [kiss] you in the middle of the street on the rainiest day of the year. cant you hear my heart beat for you? i want this to last and i need you by my side. show me love the way it supposed to be. lock me in your h.e.a.r.t. and throw away the key. last night i fell asleep to a song that reminded me of you on repeat & every moment,every word of the lyrics and everytime it played,there never a minute i could not keep my mind off of you. that means something..right? i will end my post here. im seriously emotionally exhausted now. bye :)

love,
faziraafauzi 10:57 AM

hello.
firstly sorry for longg time no updates. okey? today i will just do a pathetic short post.
- really feeling lost and 'urghh' to someone
-having so much fun with beloved girlfriends

i just cant understand why you need to do this? you are just creating a fuss and big embarrassment. (if you notice la ehk?)

-down in super depression.
i need some help from you. give me some hope coz there seem all hope is gone now.
-give me strength
-fill some happiness in me
can you help me? please?
you are the only one who can be my joyous sun in my life.

love,
faziraafauzi 6:11 PM

hello.
i just finished reading this sad love story in the internet. So i really wanna share with blog readers.

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Ryan. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Ryan, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Ryan, I …
Ryan: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Ryan: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: ryan…

ryan: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Ryan: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
ryan: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
ryan: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
ryan: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

ryan: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.

ryan: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Ryan! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Ryan, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.

its the end of the story. i bet your heart had been touched by it.

love,
faziraafauzi 12:43 PM